Skillman Scuttlebutt: A House Divided

A mini scandal broke out at the Skillman house about 15 years into our marriage. It's an Oregonian kinda scandal but I'm sure this sorta thing happens all over the country.

The tragedy occurred when Mark and I both discovered we were fans of opposing college teams. Obviously, if it took 15 years to discover this discrepancy, we weren't die-hard fans to begin with, but nonetheless, it was very an alarming discovery. Beavers and Ducks just don't mix.

Here in Oregon, as far as college football goes, you're either a Duck fan or a Beaver fan. And even though Mark and I never even went to either University, just being an Oregonian forces you to have an opinion on these sort of matters. I always just assumed any sensible well educated person would naturally be a Duck while Mark on the other hand decided it was better to be a Beaver. We discovered this small marital glitch a few years back when someone asked us who we were rooting for during the Oregon Civil War, Mark and I simultaneously AND arduously declared opposite sides. It was shocking. Or at least mini-shocking.

In all honesty, Mark and I are really not die-hard football fans. Our interest peaks around play-off time but that's sadly about it. But, despite the lack of steady interest, we can get pretty heated when the Duck/Beaver discussion gets going.

I think this is because at heart, what we're really fans of, is competition. Choosing up sides, declaring an enemy, and, most importantly, humiliating a loser. This is the sort of unsportsmanlike conduct is, for a lack of a better word, sportsmanlike. It's the sort of way you would never act when it comes to real life, but when you imbed this such ill-gotten behavior into sports, well, this peaks our interest!

So when our family was invited to go to a Civil War party at the Sharps house we had to go. I was excited about going knowing that my dear yet highly misguided husband was very likely going to be the lone Beaver in the room while Mark, he just wanted to go in hopes of being the one and only person that left the party happy should the Beavers win (fat chance).

So of course we prepared for the big game by supporting our team colors. Here Mark has successfully convinced Chloe to be a Beaver fan by luring her with Orange Cheetos and Black Oreos. A classic case of Beaver Bribery which, quite possibly, is the only way to lure someone to willingly become a B-word.

The Superior Duck fans brought all green and yellow snacks for the game. And while we prefer Cheetos and Oreos over Funyuns, we swore off eating anything vile orange for the day.

Because Mark calls U of O a "hippy school", Connor decided to proudly wear a dread lock hat for the day just to annoy his dad. [A proud moment for a mother.]

I even took off my wedding ring for the day. This is not the time to be married to a Beaver fan. Chloe gave me some hairbands to replace it with. Which, goes to prove her Beaver loyalties are only based on Oreos.

When we arrived at the Sharps house they had designated fan parking. Ducks park to the left...

...And Beaver fans to the right...

Mark parked to the right of the Duck sign so I promptly got out and moved the Beaver sign over. This officially put us smack in between.

I will pause now for a moment so you can get your abacus out to help you count the plethora of cars parked in the Beaver Zone...oh nevermind, looks like you're done counting already.

We encountered an unexpected yet serious problem when we brought in our snacks. Here, scandelously pictured, is Ellie. Her shirt declares her Duck loyalties while her snack choice was clearly on the Beaver side. I warned her not to eat anything orange or black until AFTER the game.

And, as I predicted, she jinxed the Ducks who got off to a shoddy start.

Thanks to the Sharp family's electronic bonanza, we were able to segregate fans. The Duck fans watched in the Sharps theater...

...while we segregated the Beaver fans to the living room. Lucky for Mark a few Beaver fans decided to show up.

Then we discovered a reward system for the leading team. A chair massage, which, you got to sit in if your team was currently leading the game.

Mark sat here quite a bit at the beginning. Mostly because of Ellie whom I caught AGAIN trying to be snack sneaky.

I warned her of the serious dangers and forbid her from ANY snacks if she didn't stop.

Once Ellie swore off Beaver snacks things started looking up for the Ducks. This gave the Duck fans the rights to the massage chair...

...And gave Danny something to celebrate. He's the expert duck caller. [Incidentally, Beaver fans do not like it when Duck fans parade through their assigned fan space after their team has failed to block a touchdown. Especially if said parade is lead by a crazed duck caller.]

And like a curious foreshadowing, the yellow and green M&M's began to be eaten at a faster rate than the Orange and Black. This was when I knew the "hippy school" was going to enjoy some great karma.

A Resounding Victory!

And while winning the game was great, Mark's team losing was the real exhilaration. Not to mention the relief I felt at not having to drive all the way home from Grants Pass as the underdog. That makes for a very uncomfortable drive home, just ask Mark.

That night after Mark went to bed, I snuck in and put a sticker on his bathroom mirror so that when he woke up in the morning he wouldn't forget one very important thing...