10 Lessons Learned in 2010

1.  Hefty cinch-sacks make a mighty fine substitute for a gas cap.

I learned this one on my long road trip across the country this past fall.  However, it would have been even more helpful if I’d been able to figure out a substitute for a missing credit card.

2.  The handy nature of the word “CUSS”

This very handy new word came by way of the comment section of my blog (Thanks Daisha!)  It’s a little gem of a word. 

After blogging yet again about my pernicious penchant for swearing, she suggested that if I was really trying to curb my cursings that I simply replace these boisterious belchings with the word “cuss”.  I’ve tried substitute swear words before but the “darn” and “heck”s would just not satisfy my need to release all that tension out of my mouth. But after giving this handy little “cuss” word a try, I’ve found that it works, really well. The hard “Kuh” sound seems to roll harshly enough off my tongue that it’s just about cured me of the real thing.  Just about.

3.  Never rub your eyes when you’re eating HOT Cheetos.

4.  We are not the Partridge Family

During a recent trip up to Seattle to visit Mark’s mom “G-Ma”, she bought us passes for a place called “Experience Music Project”.  It lets visitors, well, experience music.  And experience it we did, but I’m fairly certain it was not in a way I think the good folks behind the “project” intended.  

The EMP is a place filled with famous instruments played by legendary musicians (most notably, Seattle native Jimi Hendrix), displays of music memorabilia, and interactive music lessons.  Sadly, there’s also sound booths where you can do everything from mix music or try your hand at jamming on drums, guitars, or sing...or form an impromptu band and make a music video.

I didn't even think to take pictures of my kids while we were there.  I was too busy holding my hands over my ears insulating them from the bedlam.  I never worked up the nerve to unplug even one ear long enough to operate a camera.  I just followed my poor talent-impaired kids around...

• Chloe headed strait for the vocals and sung her little off-tune heart out.  
• Mitchell headed to the guitars and surprised us by not being too offensive and informed us he took a guitar class at school (hmmm.  Apparently we weren’t paying too much attention to his school schedule that year).  
• Connor headed strait for the drums-my all-time favorite instrument EXCEPT for when it is done badly. My dad used to play drums in a band, which garnered him a mob of crazed groupies, while Connor groupies consisted of a hand full of reluctant family members all huddling in the corner of the sound booth like we were practicing a grade school earthquake drill.  

It was a frightening day in which I learned once-and-for-all that we Skillmans, will NEVER be the Partridge family.  I don’t think there was ever a day in which I took more aspirin. 

However sad our lackluster musical abilities are, cheer up, I learned something positive too...

5.  You're never too old to find a new talent.

At 49 Mark has discovered something new...running. He’s always been into cycling but a few years back he decided to try running in the winter months because it was just too cold to ride.  Mark’s not really a big distance cycler, instead he prefers to climb up steep roads on his bike.  The downside of that is that when you reach the summit in the wintertime the coast back down is a very breezy and chilly one. So he switched to running and it turns out he’s pretty good at it.  

When summer came he neglected his bike and kept right on jogging and started entering races.  He placed second in his first triathlon.  Over the past year he crosses the finish line with impressive times and now has quite a plethora of awards. Who knew?  He'd never run before.  

Finding a new talent at 49 gives the rest of us waaay younger people hope.  I think Mark likes being the old guy that can outrun kids half his age and I wonder if perhaps his quick-ness is more about feeble feisty-ness.  Whatever it is, I’m pretty impressed...

...not impressed to run with him, but impressed nonetheless.

6.  If you inappropriately mis-label moving boxes when you help your friends move, they may not ask you to help them ever again.

My poor friends may have had a bit of trouble making friends when they relocated to their new home, especially if their new neighbors offered to come and help them unpack the new house. 

Unfortunately for my poor friends The Petersens, they had a move AND a wedding that took place just one day apart.  So while they focused on the wedding, I came out and helped them pack. 

What I did not tell them when I offered to help is that when I get ahold of a moving box and a permanent marker-well, some sort of demon seizes me.  These two things together, boxes and permanent markers, create an uncontrollable temptation.  

When I began packing, it with all the good intentions I could muster.  I even occasionally wrote encouraging notes and little friendly memos and left them inside the taped up boxes.  Then as my memory would fade I began intermittently forgetting what I had just taped up inside the box and couldn’t recall exactly what I was supposed to write on the outside. So I’d start writing “I forgot what’s inside”.  It gave me a case of the giggles.  Not the funny “ha-ha” kind of giggles.  I got the devious kind from whence all trouble-making comes.  From there I moved on to labeling their stereo system as 
“8-Track Tape Player and John Denver collection” and then another box as
“embarrassing items from your medicine cabinet”. 

But this box got me in the biggest trouble, but I couldn’t help myself.

…And now they will never ask me to help them again. 

So sad, because my head is abuzz with a lot more scandalous ideas and I've got a fresh marker ready to go.

7.  If your husband is not a big TV watcher, you may not want him to be in charge of your car rental needs. 

I found this out the hard way.  I had flown down to the Vegas area to help mis-label and move boxes for my aforementioned friends.  When I flew in they picked me up at the airport and the plan was for Mark to fly down a week later and rent a car to drive for the rest of our stay. 

Seven days later, Mark shows up in one of these:

My mouth hung open when he pulled up.  Apparently he doesn’t see very many commercials on TV or he’d of seen this one:

Dear Mark: Surrender the man card buddy, you shouldn’t have needed a commercial to figure out that you don't wanna "get with this".


For the remainder of our visit, I rode around in the passenger seat with dark sunglasses and a hat.  I am now searching high and low for a green track suit for Mark, he's certainly "do da dippity" earned it.

8.  Don’t take Ambien if your long distance flight requires you to change planes midway. 

Especially if the change is made someplace like say, El Salvador, and you may just need to be sharp enough to recall some basic high school Spanish to navigate successfully to the next plane.  However, if you insist on popping one anyway (or possibly two), bring along a really good friend and assign them to be your designated driver flyer.  If they're a really good and loyal friend, they’ll help you transfer to the right airplane and you’ll wake up on a beach somewhere and have absolutely no recollection on how you got there.  But you’ll be happy and well rested.

9.  If you put your cat on a diet, it will get very grouchy.


10.  The most exciting yet debilitating news of your life is the day you find out you're going be a grandparent.
This sort of news is one of the hallmarks of life.  An exciting time.  But no one prepares you for the inevitable realization that happens about five minutes after you get such a phone call.  After the initial rush of jubilee, one very horrific realization overshadows:  

You're officially OLD.

Now, if you happen to already be OLD when you get this sort of news for the first time, it may not come as such a blow but when you just recently stepped into your forties, the moment you hear such news your vision suddenly blurs (or in my case blurs worse), you get short of breath, and a half dozen gray hairs suddenly spring out of your head in utter fright.  


Things that freak me out about being a grandparent:

• Being married to a grampa. Ewww!
• What the cuss are these grandchildren going to call me??  Grannie? Grandma? Oh Heaven help me come up with a more youthful sounding grandparent name.
• Accidentally slipping into grandmotherhood with one of those tell-tale hairdos and suddenly preferring comfy shoes.

Things that will be fabulous about being a grandparent:

• Making my own children jealous by spoiling the baby rotten.
• Buying baby clothes that I'll never have to wash and put away.
• Enjoying a baby without any of the poop.
• Knowing the pain and suffering this must be causing my own parents who have to add a dreaded GREAT in front of their names.  Hehehe.
• Boring friends and strangers with baby pictures!

And while we're on the subject of pictures...here's the first of many...