Now, for those of you who are looking for more of a Norman Rockwell/Saturday Evening Post kinda experience, one of those cozy trips into the forest so that you can enjoy the serenity of nature while you hunt for a tree; I shall impart some handy pointers for you to abide by:
Do Not Leave Before the Roads Have a Chance to Thaw Out.
While most folks wait for the warm afternoon sunshine, we like to get a jump on the crowd so the roads are traffic-free. There's a reason why the roads are empty, and also a reason we like it that way. But suffice it to say, there's no traffic that early in the mornings for one important reason; Black Ice!
Most of the ride up to the mountains was a solid sheet of ice. We were fish-tailing it all the way up. At one point our cute cousin Madi, who was riding in her family's car, let out a blood curdling shriek thinking they were gonna slide off the road sideways. When her family's truck came to a halt on the side of the road, she lept from the truck insisting they turn around and head back for the safety of a Christmas tree lot.
While contemplating what to do she saw this little tree and said, "this one will do just fine."
Meanwhile, the boys jumped out and all headed strait for the icy road. Who needs snow??
Do Not Use Your Car as if It Were a Ski Boat
This is unless you left so dangerously early in the morning that you're assured there will be no traffic to contend with. Then the road is all yours and anything goes.
If You're Breaking the Above Rule, Then Let Go if you Crash
Connor thought he'd hang on anyway. Unlike water skiing, plowing through the snow after you crash will impair your vision and fill your boots with snow (more on that later).
And it will make the girls heckle you...
Do Not Listen to Your Aunt Stacy When She Asks You to Shake the Snow Off a Tree
Tanner ended up with a soggy back...sucker.
My favorite thing to do is to act interested in EVERY tree and insist I must see it snow-free. I like to see how many kids I can get to stand under a tree and shake it. They always look so surprised when they end up with snow down their backs. Duh.
Do Not Listen to Your Father If He Tries to Talk You Into Choosing an Ugly Tree
Meanwhile, my brother likes to trick his children into picking the ugliest tree by making them feel sorry for every mangled Charlie Brown looking tree. He tells them the ugly trees will never get the chance to make it to a cozy home and be embellished with lights if they don't take pity on it. He's actually gotten his kids to fall for it from time to time!
We were both clearly born with a mean streak.
Do Not Ignore the Fact that Your Boots Have Been Full of Snow the Entire Day
This is a big one. It's all fun and games while you're getting towed behind dad's truck and out hunting for that elusive perfect tree. But for goodness sake, you gotta empty your boots out every so often! If you don't, once you finally get back in the car for the long ride home...you're gonna pay for it. (Empty the snow outta your boots kid!)
If you avoid breaking these major rules, you should be in for a very lovely and serene day in the woods communing with nature...
...but that's just not what we do.
Just like how Clark's take their day hikes seriously, you guys sure do take Christmas tree hunting seriously! Looked like a very fun filled day although I would've laughed very hard had Scott fallen!
ReplyDeleteHilarious adventure...I've learned to expect nothing less!
ReplyDeleteThat black ice was insane! And the snow/car skiing too. Don't you realize you have children?!
ReplyDeleteOr maybe I've just been living in the UK for too long (most cautious and heavily insured race on the planet).