No Wonder We Didn't Get Invited

Ahhhhh, Royal Weddings. A spectacle to behold. But for curious princess loving ten-year old girls at THREE IN THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING, it's a spectacle that must be recorded and watched at a more respectable hour. And thanks to the brilliant invention of the DVR, Chloe and her cousins did exactly that. Tape it for later.

We finally got around to watching the royal nuptials last Saturday night. At the very last minute we decided to throw a little viewing party which was, admittedly, not as classy as the royal occasion probably deserved. While the real thing was a meticulously organized and very methodical affair, planned down to the very second--ours was pathetically quite the opposite. More of a shabby, ragtag last minute deal, quickly and haphazardly thrown together which would classify it as a "shin-dig" which is ever so slightly more elegant than a "tailgate" party.  Either way, it was Decidedly American. 

While the royal family and their guests celebrated with fine dining, I went to the market and scrounged up a package of McVitie's HobNobs, some digestives, and a batch of overly sweetened scones. But it was the best we could do.

In an attempt to bring a little manners and decorum to our pathetic little viewing party I made one firm requirement:

There must be hats. 

No proper British wedding can happen without them. Period. And so I told our Shumway cousins no one will enter unless they wore a hat. That should bring a little more civility to the party right?

Wrong.

When my doorbell rang I realized that only in America could this sort of hat party happen.  Seriously, look at this rag tag group of people wearing "hats":

No Wonder We Didn't Get Invited.

I don't even know where to start.

But if I must, let's take Aunt Wendy first. I think she's wearing a floppy sun hat, like the kind you wear to go sport fishing or lawn weeding. But at least she had the manners to pull out all her favorite fish hooks from the brim before coming.

Then there's Josh wearing a coon hat.  Coon hats are fine if you're on a coon hunt, or perhaps you're Benjamin Franklin trying to impress Frenchmen with your American ruggedness so that you can ask them to help you fund your plans for independance.

Then Mark wearing a rally cap as if it were a baseball game and we were shamefully behind in the score. Which in this particular event, I think we now qualify as a bunch of losers and the rally cap suddenly now seems quite appropriate.

Next to him is Sheralyn in her grizzly swim cap. Which is perfect for a swim meet.  Then again, perhaps Sheralyn is wearing it in honor of Prince William taking "the plunge". In which case she's clever and cheeky--something we've suspected for quite some time.

Then there's the princess adoring girls in the back row.  Obviously they took the occasion as a more serious affair and wore more suitable hats for the occasion.  But if you look real close at Chloe's white hat you'll discover a dirty little secret...

...I couldn't find my hats!  Chloe was terribly upset that her cousins were coming with hats and she was hatless.  So what's a mother to do when I've already pronounced a hat edict and my own daughter is shamefully hatless? Well of course you grab three paper plates, some elastic, and load up the stapler:

Delicious don't you think? Chloe is quite lovely in her paper plate extravaganza.

As we replayed the recording and watched the real wedding guests arrive, Connor got a view of some of the crazier hats worn to the wedding and he was suddenly overcome with a burst of creativity.  He decided to make a statement about how ridiculous some of the hats were and came up with this beauty:

Connor's Trix Hat. 

Wouldn't he look dapper if he'd gone as Princess Beatrice's date?

So our little wedding party was pathetic, but the little girls were highly entertained by the traditions and etiquette that is clearly lacking back here in the States. Meanwhile the rest of us ate our digestives and "accidentally" pushed fast forward a few times to speed up the whole affair.  But if anything good came out of this is was a very important lesson we learned:

There is a reason Americans don't require their guests to come wearing hats. It's not a pretty sight.