A Political Coup and a Dang Lucky Cat

A few years back my family staged a political coup. I played the part of the usurped leader, while the others in the house were the unruly radicals who had become increasingly displeased with a certain parental decree. A  meeting was held by the dissatisfied members of the household and in turn they decided not only to gain the confidence, but more importantly, the voting power of the weakest member our home's bureaucratic elite---their father. They held a secret meeting with him where they confessed their grievances, gained his loyalties, and devised a plan.

The whole coup took place before I even had a chance to prepare for combat.  Mark surprised ambushed  me one afternoon by coming home early and announcing it would be fun to go and pick up all the kids from school. Once all the children little militants were in the car and tucked safely in their seat belts and beyond my reach, the following conversation ensued:

Mark: Hey Honey, the kids and I took a vote and there is nothing you can do with what is about to happen. It's beyond your power to veto.

Me: Huh?    
(isn't that just like an outgoing dictator? Always the last to know his her people are dissatisfied with current regime policies!)

Mark:  Seriously, you're not gonna like it and I'm just reminding you now that your vote is only worth two and the kids and I together make a total of six votes.  (In a household with four kids, each of the parent's votes are always worth two, it's a built in safety net, though sadly, only when both parents vote ALIKE.)

Me: Huh?

Kids snickering in the back.

Mark:  The kids and I decided it's about time we get a pet.  We know how you feel about having to take care of pets so we decided we'd start with something low maintenance...

Me:  Huh?

Kids beaming with wide smiles.

Mark: We decided on a cat and we're headed to the Humane Society right now.  The kid's promise to help take care of it and...
(blah blah blah blah blah-I sort of stopped listening at this point-just like a REAL dictator would have done, only I forgot about adding a shout such as, "down with the people!", which I think would have been perfectly appropriate.)

Things took a drastic turn for the worse when we arrived.  The kids decided to throw me a bone, so to speak, and tried to ease my pain by giving me the "privilege" of choosing our new cat.  I think they were in cahoots with the lady who worked there because when I chose two different cats that I thought I could tolerate and told my little band of marauders that they could have the final say and pick between the two, the lady then exclaimed with a bit of suspicious glee that both cats had been brought in from the very same owner.  It was destiny she said.  So, instead of riding home with ONE yowling box of cat, I rode home with TWO!

And that was it.  A successful coup resulting in one overthrown mother, two new cats, four happy children, and a disloyal husband who slept on the couch for a few days!  (I still had a little power left!  Tee hee! ) 

It took me a year to not despise the cats.  I almost bonded with the one cat that would come hang out with me on summer mornings in my garden while I weeded.  But the other cat is a scratcher!  Totally mean.  You pet it and it'll give off a decoy purr, and then suddenly it will gouge a limb right off!  Sadly, the one I came really close to liking, it met with a tragic accident on the road.  Now we're left with "Edward Scissorhands" who claws at everybody. Just my luck.  The kids all love him despite all the scars he's branded them with.  I have learned to tolerate him and to buy lots of Neosporin and band-aids for the kids.

They say dogs have masters and cats have staff.  Totally true in this case.

Today, during a blustery winter afternoon,  I was watching ol' "Scissorhands" (with much contempt) lounging about INSIDE the house, completely oblivious to the wicked weather outside and flamboyantly flaunting  the ease at which he yields ALL the power inside our house.  If it wasn't for the revolt, he'd of never made it out of the pound, yet he consistently ignores all forms of house rules and pet etiquette!  Where's the gratitude?   The following violations all happened just today...

Here he is making himself at home on the coffee table right in the middle of a serious Lego construction project, Rude!:

Here he is making it hard for people in the house to read (with or without glasses).  This cat's specialty is kid's homework, he loves to sprawl on homework when they're busy writing on it.  And if you should try to reclaim your papers, he'll claw you!  Just look at those beady little eyes daring you to touch the magazine:

And here, the darn cat is sprawled out in a rather indiscreet position, and mind you,  taking up as much room on the couch as possible, very selfish, lazy, and uncouth indeed:

I may have lost the "Cat Coup" but I am taking steps to safeguard myself from further household rebellions.  I just bought a copy of Sun Tzu's  "The Art of War"!  

In the meantime, this is one dang lucky cat. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!