My Nemesis-The Boy Scouts

It's been the most challenging love/hate relationship I've ever encountered.  My total nemesis.  It's the dang Boy Scouts of America.  They kill me.   As Connor just graduated from Cub Scouting to Boy Scouting I am faced with starting all over with another fresh shirt to sew and whole new series of patches to apply.  So, as I sit here behind the dreaded sewing machine, I am compiling a list of serious grievances in my head that I feel inclined to confess.  So I'm neglecting the bobbin for a moment and opting for bloggin'.  Here are a few of my rational complaints against the whole scheme, and a few irrational ones as well:

• Sewing on Patches-  You can just forget hand sewing altogether.  It simply isn't going to happen.  Ever.  But even patch sewing with a machine sends me into cussing fits like no other (as many things often do.)  My biggest beef here is that the whole Scouting program is designed to increase the skill sets of a young boy but I've never seen the BSA figure out that sewing might be a valuable skill set, especially since, as a matter of fact, they'll be earning plenty of patches which will require SEWING!  Therefore, somebody, please, in the name of all that's sacred to Scouting, I beg you...offer a SEWING MERIT BADGE and put us mothers out of our misery! 

Perhaps then they would sell more of this largely unused item...  

...and yes, I'm well aware of the fact that said patches can be applied in many different fashions but seriously folks; gluing, stapling, and velcro-ing just make for a shabby looking scout which would cause the legendary Fred Clark (and admittedly myself) to shutter in disbelief.  

• Those Awful Yellow Leader's Blouses-  Seriously yellow?  If Scouting also added a FASHION MERIT BADGE, the culprits who designed the yellow den mother's blouse, they would quickly realize that yellow is NOT a complimentary color suited to any skin type.  There is no make-up that will offset that "geez you look so pale and awful, are you tired?" look that comes from that darling of a shirt.  During the time I was compelled by lethal doses of peer pressure to be a Den Leader, I absolutely refused to wear the yellow shirt and bought male version in khaki.  An ever so undetectable improvement.

My complaint is legitimized by the accompanied photo above right.  In it please note the leader in the yellow blouse looks dreary and tired and not at all happy with the two fresh and perky den mothers in Khaki who are obviously laughing at her as they mock her gastly yellow blouse.

• Too Many Accessories-  Do you know what kind of rampage is caused each week when we play the "Where's my scout pants/shirt/hat/neckerchief/slide/belt/handbook game?  

This is exactly why I don't buy the official scout socks, wallet, key chain, knife, underwear, flash light, mess kit, hair mousse AND sewing kit.  Can you image the hours it would take to round-up all this extra gear and make it to their meetings on time?

• Mother's Pins-  I never ever remember what I was wearing the last time I was so delightfully honored with my newest mother's pin.  How do you expect me to find them all and wear them at once?  That would be a closet showdown like no other.  But, may I just say, I appreciate getting pins and NOT patches!  Though perhaps each boy should qualify for the PINNING THINGS ONTO YOUR MOTHER MERIT BADGE before these scatterbrained boys should be allowed to award it to us.

• Camp Out Laundry- You can smell the Scout van driving down the lane to drop off your stinky camper and his horrific pile of stench-filled laundry.  There is no amount of Tide and Downey fabric softener that can remove that indescribable smell of campfire mixed with B.O.  A gas mask is required for the first full week after a camp out if one intends on entering the laundry room.  Holding your breath will simply not do.

And that is why, Boy Scouts of America, I declare you my nemesis!

And now that I got that off my chest, I'm off to 

go sew patches on a brand new shirt!
[fade to cussing]