Follow the Flannel

On our flight home from the Marathon I realized I’ve unconsciously developed a handy system for finding my gate at the airport.  After Mark and I make it though security-- he through the detectors, and me usually enjoying a soothing pat down--we then pause long enough to see what gate our flight is departing from.  A quick scan overhead for the signs that will lead us in the direction we need to go, officially begins our hunt for the right gate.  This is the one and only time we tend to use a posted airport sign to find our way.  From then on we just go by instinct.

This system only works when you’re flying home.  We always use signs to direct us to the gates flying to somewhere. But when we're returning home, I’ve noticed all you have to do once you’re initially headed in the general direction of your gate is to simply... 

“follow the flannel.” 

After a long trip away, we are always surprised just how easy our fellow Oregonians are clearly and somewhat stereotypically easy to spot no matter what airport we're in. Oregonians, quite frankly, have an uncanny knack for sticking out in a crowd.

Here’s how my fail-proof system works:

First you scan the people headed in your gate’s direction and look for folks wearing discounted t-shirts with a vacation destination emblazoned across the front.  Bright Chartreuse colors seem be the favored shade.

These shirts are easy to spot since the people wearing them usually look excruciatingly bright pink from being scalded by the unexpectedly blistering tropical sun that native Oregonians are largely unfamiliar with.  Nicely bronzed travellers from places like Arizona and California are always prepared for vacation sun exposer and never get caught off guard.  They will look robustly tan and not fried.  But Oregonians, those sun-blistered souvenir-shirt wearing folks, walking around the airport, they are all headed to gates that lead to the general vicinity of the great Northwest.  Follow them.

Now it’s time to narrow down and pinpoint the Oregon gates.  Simply scan for classic labels which all Oregonians seem to favor.  The stiff fancy wheeled luggage will begin to dissipate and give way to North Face backpacks, Cabela windbreakers, flannel jackets, or the indicative Duck and Beaver fan shirt.   

Sensible shoes are also your tip-off.  Oregonians have a weakness for the sensible shoe.

To further isolate southern Oregon from the rest of the gates, you’ll know you’re headed in the right direction when the high-priced haircuts have dissipated into “easy care” styles like dreadlocks and mullets, with a literal bowl-cut and even a handful of 'Dorothy Hammil's' interspersed. 

About that time the realization you’ve arrived at the right gate will all fall into place.  An harmonious hodgepodge of camouflaged baseball caps, a few 'Members Only' jackets, and a sprinkling of hairy legs burrowed effortlessly into Birkenstocks will be your clue.   

A curious swirl of patchouli oil, organic snacks, and chewing tobacco wafting though the terminal confirms you’ve made it to your destination.

Now don’t get me wrong, Oregonians are a fine blend of humanity. I love Oregon!  In fact, I often reassure myself that if my plane goes down in some crazed accident on my return flight home, these are the folks I would want to survive such horrific events with.  Passengers on a downed flight from a big city would not persevere very long stranded.  Deserted with a bunch of Oregonians would be your best bet. The naturalists among an Oregon bound flight could forage for organic berries and weave hammocks and blankets for the rest of us while the guys in the cammo hats would hunt for game and keep us well fed.  The avid hikers would certainly trek us back to civilization.  Yes, these are the people I’d prefer to crash with any ol' terrifying day.  What good are the perfectly manicured nails and matching handbags of big city folk in a dire situation such as this?  Yes indeed, I’d stick with my people, 
the Oregonians!

My new airport system really works.  Without ever looking at sign, I can always easily find my gate to Oregon...

Just follow the flannel!