The New Math & The New Book Report

It's Spring Break here in Oregon and I am basking in the glory of two solid weeks with homework-less kids! Ahhhhh! Splendid Bliss. Not as good as a Caribbean hammock of course, but pretty darn close. Almost as good you say? How can that be as relaxing and restful you ask? (Okay maybe you didn't ask but I'm telling you anyway.)

The Friday school lets out, Connor and Chloe came home with two giant sacks of recent papers/projects and dumped it on our kitchen counter. A massive pile of elementary exertions which had been finished, turned in, and graded. The completion of a homework's life cycle, now awaiting parole on the fridge or a sentencing to death in the trash bin. As I rifle through it all, I come across a plethora math papers and two recent book reports. At first I sigh heavily, relieved to know we've got two weeks off before the madness begins again, then I mount my soap box (...er...blog spot).

THE MATH PAPERS
If you're a parent then you've heard of "the new math". For me, this new is definitely not improved. See, when you give me a bunch of numbers to add up or multiply, I stack 'em up and get it done! Quick, fast, and usually spot on! Well, apparently that's the OLD way of doing things. No more stacking numbers parents, we've gotta break the numbers down into units, you know, into 100's, 10's, 1's. Why? I dunno. My only guess is cause they (whomever "they" are) want kids to get the concept that there is something real behind the numbers. So now, when kids do math they are asked to show three different ways of solving the problem...and I only know TWO; that would be the archaic stacking method (heaven forbid) and, method two, using a calculator, which, if you have not gotten the memo, are two options that aren't acceptable anymore. Now, you've got to draw boxes representing units, which, in my day, would have been called "doodling" and heavily frowned upon. Now, once you've drawn a hand cramping amount of unit boxes you've still got to solve the problem two more ways! As this befuddles and confuses me so much that I have finally resorted to checking out the teacher versions of their math books so I could look up the demonstrations in order to appropriately coach my kids through their homework! How humiliating is that? I can't even do 3rd or 4th grade math! So I have an idea that would simplify this whole mess...if you want a kid to understand there are "units" behind the numbers then schools should forget the cutesy doodle boxes and give each of the kids a hundred bucks, then ask 'em for 10-ones and 80-tens (are you following me here or do I need to draw you some boxes?) and they'll pretty much figure out the digits represent something real pretty quick...enough said. As a follow up, you could then tell them that for 10 bucks you'll let them get out of having to show you two more ways of doing their math! Voila! Little math genius'!

THE BOOK REPORTS
This new math merely gets me started on my favorite subject...something I like to call "the new book report". Old school book reports, when I was a kid, simply required you to read a book (or in high school, read the cliff notes) then turned in a simple one/two page summery of the reading material noting the author, genre, copyright and such. The hardest part of the book report, besides locating the copyright, was the reading-the-book part...right? Well not anymore! Now, "The New Book Report" can take up more time than the reading of the book part. Take for instance Chloe's recent book report on George Eastman (of Kodak Fame):
What you're looking at is a fine example of "The New Book Report" for a third grader. Chloe had to read about George Eastman and give a "book report" (teachers still call it by it's old name cause they don't want to scare us). This included a two page summery of his life with an accompanying jacket cover decorated to feature the important aspects of the subjects life, then a puppet rendition of the character (this involved a stove, flour and some fancy paper mache-ing action, a fan and hairdryer to dry the thing in time to paint, a very hot finger scorching glue gun, and some gray yarn...oh and paint), AND (...no I'm not done yet!) a written script for the "puppet" to give as a speech to the entire class...whew...are you exhausted from just reading this harrowing tale?

Now if this doesn't scare all of you parents out there with pre-school aged youngsters into homeschooling, this next part will! You see, Connor also had a book report due that very same week! Here it is in all it's cardboard shoe-box glory... This is the fourth grader version a book report on the novel "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea". A fine novel which can be read in about three weeks-less time than it takes to complete a "New Book Report" on the book itself! As you see featured in the lovely photo above, you may note that the report required the book's theme to be encompassed in a thematic based shoe box (a lovely duct taped and authentically painted treasure chest), containing inside; three objects featured in the book, displaying central facts and characters, and, last but not least, a list of ten ill-understood vocabulary words from it's very pages noting the definition and correctly used in an original sentence!

And now you see why Spring Vacation is a holiday for kids and parents alike! The absence of "New-Math" and "New Book Report" constructing! Ahhhhh a fine vacation indeed!